Just Be And You Are

Lately I’ve been twittering away my blog posts and interesting finds into small snippets via text, tweetie, the web and mostly tweetdeck. The latter app is great because it allows you to easily group people you follow into various lists and see their updates at once vertically and horizontally left to right.

While tweeting isn’t as evergreen as blogging, it’s useful in having a conversation with others in semi real-time. You’re more in touch with what people are doing and thinking about moment to moment. Some say it’s not representative of reality but my assumption is time is a commodity and you’re spending a portion of it tweeting so it must have some level of importance. In the sample of people I follow, I don’t see too many updates on what they had for lunch but rather hyperlinks to articles that pique my interest.

Twitter obviously has its place in both thinking and doing time for a lot of people. Though like most social media on the internet, it connects those already connected. Those with internet access, those who have time, those who accrue marketing and financial benefits from such an app. There’s definitely a set group of people who are also more likely to think Twitter is useful. It’s not the doctors slaving away all day in the OR, not the teachers in classrooms, not the construction workers fixing our highways.

I’m not sure how, like Facebook, it plays into our overall existence, but for now I’m enjoying the fact that it exists.

DailyOMs can be overly spiritual for some, yet they resonate a strong sense of philosophical sense that can actually be applied. The whole post is here, but it’s fun to excerpt the most provocative parts, starting with the first paragraph:

Sometimes we look at the actions of others and find it difficult to understand what motivates them. But we are all doing the best we can with the information we currently have. We have all been taught how to see the world from the examples of those around us and by our experiences. Keeping this in mind, we can accept the choices made by others while seeking ways to increase the world’s level of consciousness as a whole.

Looking back at the past, I sometimes want to reevaluate my decisions and then I realize that I was doing the best with the information I had. If I knew what I know now, I wouldn’t have made those decisions. It eliminates regret and helps me focus more on the path that got me to those decisions so I can better understand my past mind to help my future mind think smarter. Likewise, I think of others on their own paths and don’t view them as ahead or behind but in the right place to learn what they need to. Hence,

We can share our experiences and understanding with others not from a place of condescension but of connection.

There’s no better or worse, it’s all apples and oranges of a different variety. Approaching others this way leaves little room for judgment. At the same time, we can better acknowledge current status, restrictions, behaviors and culture if we agree that we’re coming in with a personal bias. Getting rid of our idiosyncrasies to say we’re equal makes us drones. Connecting on a premise of differences makes us one. I think of looking at a cloth through a microscope and seeing all the little connected strings pattern together and when someone pulls the cloth, they flex and move but don’t break.

I love the way it ends:

Every thought we have and action we take becomes part of the collective energy of the planet…

…Remember the next time you witness an action of another that they are of the same earth as you but simply on a different conscious level at this point in their life. Find compassion, bless them, and move along your day in grace.

Very. Whether it’s your desk, your desktop, your kitchen counter, your bookcase, your calendar, or whatever way you choose to organize the various idiosyncrasies of your life, it makes sense to you. You arranged it that way (or just left it there) because that’s what you like. It’s what appeals to you. It’s beautiful (to you).

People who can explain their mess to other people have an amazing ability.

If you don’t love, respect, appreciate your own mess, why will others?

Before the experiences we go through turn into memories, they become stories first. At the most basic level, we’re all storytellers. Some say it’s a lost art, but on paper that isn’t true. Look at movies, books, magazines, video games and now the unlimited amount of online content published daily. The common thread is sharing our moments with each other through a medium that helps us connect with like-minded people.

The act of telling a story though may be endangered. Growing up, I remember being captivated by storytellers at local fairs. Their presentation skills were exquisite. They knew how to hold an audience, build gut-wrenching suspense, and show you what they wanted you to see. Their medium was imagination.

Regaining this art now I believe happens through conversation. A mental shift is required first. You have to start seeing life’s events as future stories. Being stuck in a traffic jam can be annoying and worse still if you’re running out of gas. But there’s a developing story here and thinking of it this way may take the edge off and allow you to look at it as something that will soon pass.

Our frustrations with life stem not from reality but from our perspective of it. If every moment/experience/event is a story to tell later, we can converse – speak and listen – on life as it happens.

The power of words. Word choice is important. So is inflection of tone upon specific words. And most important is avoiding the distractions in speech that take away from your message, such as “um” and “uh”. Any practiced presenter will echo these observations.

Now transfer this to daily speech and think about the effect words, speech, and tone of voice can have. On your environment and the people around you. Take the word, “fear”, for example. We used to use it to communicate an emotion to another person. The emotion and the word have become so closely linked now that the word itself can produce a slight bit of that emotion. Listen carefully to the words optimistic people use and you’ll hear more positive words than negative. Their speech not only provides a circular benefit to them but also to others just by being around them more. The opposite is true for pessimistic people.

One of the easiest ways to get out of a sour mood is to start thinking about and using positive words (smiling is #1 though). Positivity is in fact contagious. Your word choice will give off a positive vibe that will be returned back to you from others. And the cycle will continue.

The first step to behavioral change is always personal experimentation.

With words like “metacognition”, “pathology”, and “matrix” diluting our daily conversation, the language we speak is becoming inflated. We sound like we know more than we do.

Language has a signalling effect. It lets the listener know what we’re all about. Whether we use complex words or the simplest form of communication, we let the other person know what we value. Bottomline, if the listener doesn’t understand you, what’s the point?

Our words combined with our tone of voice send deeper signals into the listener’s brains and understanding occurs when we create new pathways or add to current ones. Think about a concept everyone can relate to, like food, and all the internal connections you personally have associated with it. When a person talks to you about the food they like or their view on cooking at home or eating out, you view their conversation from a specific set of neural pathways built over years of experience with food. For example, when a vegetarian talks to a non-vegetarian about food, signals can get crossed. Unless…the non-vegetarian has a reason (subconscious or otherwise) to want to explore the vegetarian pathway. To agree or disagree or listen in general, we have to want to do so.

When we read papers or watch the news and hear scientific words that eventually become part of our language, we’re not explained the neural pathways that are associated with them. A pathologist views “pathology” very differently than a layman does. Our relationships to words, and language overall, comes from our personal experiences with them. It’s why we connect with people who connect with our experiences of things.

Words passed onto us through media we can’t directly connect with only dilutes – and inflates – our language. The downstream effect is a thinning of our relationships because we have less real connection to other people and their experiences. While the New York Times or Washington Post may be allowing multiple people to receive the same message and hence communicate effectively, it also makes for mixed signals because we don’t have a deeper understanding of the subject matter. There’s no foundation.

This post, for example, could only be as good as one’s understanding of it. Or looked at on a deeper level, it’s only as good as one’s connection to it through personal experience, which is more meaningful. I don’t agree fully with Ben Casnocha when he says Nobody Wants to Read Your Shit for this very reason. The purpose of communication is not necessarily to spread a message as wide as possible. It’s to connect deeply with the few who relate to that message. While Ben’s law of averages approach can certainly help this, the approach itself can take away from the connection that could be made. It’s a tough dilemma and producers (of products, blogs, ideas, etc.) fall on either spectrum. It’s hard to find the middle ground, though the Frank Herberts, Robert Heinleins and Orson Scott Cards of the world have definitely made some headway.

I have this theory about words. There’s a thousand ways to say “Pass the salt.” It could mean “Can I have some salt?” or it could mean “I love you.” It could mean “I’m very annoyed with you.” Really, the list could go on and on. Worlds are little bombs, and they have a lot of energy inside them.

- Christopher Walken

It’s amazing how you can say just about anything, make up a whole new word, and it’ll most likely mean something in some language. Try it, it’s pretty neat.

For example, when I hear phrases like

I’m surprised they have any meaning at all. But take alom belom, which indicates a specific method of breathing through one nostril, out the other, and then through the other nostril, out the other. I’m reminded of Native American names and the volume of information they convey through a single word or phrase. Amazing.

The other day I saw a History channel special that said that in fact Neanderthals were more apt to communicate via words because they had to work as a solid team to successfully hunt. Homo sapiens on the other hand developed tools that allowed for individual approaches to hunting and gathering that required less teamwork.

Language is just a reference point that explains common experiences. Beyond that, our emotional sense takes over and we interpret (or misinterpret) meaning.

Settling is the key word. Once we have X number of things we are set, we’ve made it. The status quo: a family, a house with a backyard, a dog, cars, TVs, possessions, wealth. Do you actually need these things or have you convinced yourself that you want them?

What don’t you need that you think you want?

There are people who do want the societal status quo (or portions of it). There are those who rebel against it because, well, they’re rebels and they need something to be against. There are those who want to provide others the opportunity to achieve the status quo. Those that want to build something new. Those that want to sleepwalk through it all. Those that want to be engaged fully in everything. Those that want to communicate. Love. Cherish. Hate. Heal. Discover. Run. Escape. Observe. Just be.

Again, what do you want? There are lots of different modes of thinking. Exposing oneself to information is hard to beat.

“Focus is passe. In the modern world we want to feel everything all the time. There is no point in just taking a walk in the park when we can also listen to headphones, munch on a hot dog, crank up our vibrating soles to the maximum, and check out the passing carnival of humanity. Our choices shout the creed of a new world order: stimulation! Thought and creativity have become subservient to the singular goal of saturating our senses. But I’m old school. If you are not prepared to focus on me when you are with me – conversation , touch, our momentary entwining of souls – then get out of my face and go back to your 500 channels of surround-sound life.”

-Juggler

You can gain more practical life advice from business books than any other genre out there. You have to choose the right ones, of course. Josh Kaufman’s reading list is a great place to start. My favorites are below (in no particular order):

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Presentation Zen by Garr Reynolds
The Copywriter’s Handbook by Robert Bly
The 4-Hour Workweek by Timothy Ferriss
22 Immutable Laws of Marketing by Al Ries & Jack Trout

Enlightenment is rarely found in reading the works of the enlightened. Their words are skewed by personal experience. We relate to other people’s lives through our own context, trying to find similarities and bypass the differences. The words of Plato, Socrates, Opera, Clinton and insert philosopher/celebrity/successful person here matter only to the point that they get us to do something. What you do when you have an epiphany is more important than the epiphany itself.

The best books offer perspective, exposure, inspiration and escape. The best business books offer a call to action. They get you out of your chair to try things for yourself. Life lessons through your own experience, because is there any other kind more valuable?