Just Be And You Are

We don't look at people's eyes enough. In fact, we tend to avert our gaze just as we make eye contact with a stranger across the street. Why is that? I believe part of it is hard-wired in us socially because that's just what everybody does. In general, America is more of a non-confrontational society that also respects private space as holy. We don't want to intrude. Connections aren't made this way though. Whether in a conversation or locking eyes with a man/woman walking by us, the gaze we hold doesn't have to be creepy, it can also be kind. I remember reading a column in 2004 about gazing with kindness in your eyes. The idea is to mentally wish the other person a great day and just look at them with that in mind. I was skeptical, but had to try it. I did this in elevators, on the subway, as I entered a meeting I would wish everyone a wonderful day ahead. The response was remarkable. People smiled. I wasn't even smiling at the time so it wasn't a reciprocal gesture, but my guess is my eyes were smiling. Scientifically, my pupils may have expanded just a little or just been bigger than usual, indicating openness and comfort. I didn't practice this visual kindness for long though, jumping back on the New York bandwagon of keeping to yourself. I come back to it again now as a result of confidence. I believe confident people hold your gaze longer and with more assurance. There is little uncertainty in confident eye contact. Without the need to wish kindness on others and as a result be more open, when you're confident, you just are that open. Most of us mean well, and the split second hesitation that makes us avert our eyes might even skew our good intentions. Staring and gazing are two different things.