Just Be And You Are

The quarter-life crisis and the mid-life crisis seem to result from two things; higher life expectancy and greater exposure to information on a global level. We share more information faster I'll tackle the latter first. As in the case of psychological diagnoses, just by coining the term we've made a phenomenon out of it. What was meant to be a label defining a cohort's struggle through hard times becomes a scapegoat for a variety of other problems. So no, I don't think everyone really goes through it. From what I've read, the DSM-IV vaguely defines the mid-life crisis as an adjustment disorder. Which makes me wonder about the standard by which adjustment is measured. What do we need adjusting to? Who defines that standard? And should we want to adjust? A word that better suits is "expectation". Whether quarter or mid, we haven't adjusted, or come to terms with what's expected of us. Misunderstandings, arguments, crises are usually 50/50. Never is one person completely at fault. There are two things at play here; a person's ability to adjust and poor standards set for adjustment. If an increasing portion of the population is suffering from this crisis, maybe society needs to reexamine its expectations. But this doesn't happen enough. The person going through the crisis, initially outcasted and eventually adopted into the definition-driven community of struggling 20/40 somethings, is forced to sacrifice reconcile their expectations with those of society. This step is crucial - even character-defining - since the choice is buying in or not. I know a lot of people who've gone through the quarter-life crisis, but I'm never clear about the outcome. I'm curious about people's experience after the fact. I want to ask questions like "Did you settle and for what?", "If you didn't, what did you redefine in your life and how is different from society?" We live longer so we know less younger Life expectancy is the underlying theme. This is all new to us. Whereas society may be proliferating outdated standards, we as individuals may just not have a clue. We haven't lived this long, ever. Everything changed post-industrial revolution and we've been making it up as we go along. This is where I high-five the quarter-lifers and mid-lifers. Instead of being a diagnosis in the big book of mental disorders, this kind of a crisis builds new cultural memes, argues against status-quo through personal struggle, and acknowledges that change is necessary. It's simply evolution taking it's course. We used to be adults in our teens and now 30-year olds are going back home to live with their parents (who are alive and wealthy enough to support it). Living through this crisis is all about uncertainty, which isn't so bad on it's own. What gets me riled up is the suffering that ensues from the uncertainty. That it's a bad thing not to know even if we're living longer and society hasn't reevaluated it's standards. That you drink through it, cheat through it, leave kids behind through it, spend excessively through it. That I'm not sure I understand. My guess is that transitions are harder to deal with than we expect, because we don't talk about transitions enough. It's a set up The keyword is "expectations". That we need them at all. Outside of a cliched sense of "no expectation, moment-to-moment living", there is a lot of truth in not setting yourself up for failure or letting someone else set you up in the first place. It's unavoidable in the case of your parents, friends or the media. You need to know the definition in order to redefine it. Recognize though that it is not a bad experience, not a crisis. It just is.